Week 1: Epic Fail

I am sure in a few light years I will look back on this time and laugh...and I'll somehow know (hindsight: 20/20) WHY I started this blog at THIS point in time...at this point in my life where everything is derailing my plans to be SuperFunMom, sans the cape. Um...sans the Super...sans the Fun...

By Friday morning of last week, all I could think about was driving Natalie at supersonic speed to pre-school and flying to Yoga Flow class to hurry up and relax.

Natalie: "I don't WANT to go to school today!" Me: (super sweet high-octave patronizing mom voice) "I'm sorrrry honey! But you arrre going! You will be fiiiinnneee!!!" Put key in ignition. Turn key. Nothing. You have GOT to be kidding me! Seriously? Now? Today?!? I swear I just replaced this battery when...I was pregnant. Natalie will be 4 in a few weeks. Damn.

Call husband. Try not to hyperventilate over phone. Try not to scream profane words with 4 year old hawk-eared child in back seat. Hubby tries patiently to explain battery charger. Yes it's the one next to the garage door with the spider webs all over it. Seriously? OK it's hooked up. Nothing. Oh wait! The beep-beep noise is now on when the door is open with the key in the ignition. Try again! Nothing.

Natalie: "Mommy, why are we still here?!" Me: "Honey, the car battery is dead. I have to call Triple-A." Natalie wrinkles her forehead and cocks her head to the side. "Because we are going to get chicken nuggets?" She calls 'Chick-Fil-A', 'Triple-A' as she once got them confused when we went to buy Disney Tickets at the Triple-A office and stopped for lunch at Chick-Fil-A. I crack up laughing and realize this is the first time today I have smiled. That's my girl! "No, baby," I say, "Triple-A is different than Chic-Fil-A. They will come and fix the car battery." N: "And then we can play on the playground?" I guess she is not going to get this right now. It starts pouring rain. Of course it does.

One phone call and 2 hours later I have Robert in my garage telling me that I have a lot of corrosion on my battery. "It might be a bad battery but ya could jus try pourin' a coke on it and see if that works for ya," he coaches me. "Um...Thanks," I say. I am not going to tell Robert that in my world I just drive up to Auto Zone and let them handle it. Robert would not mind tinkering with his truck in the pouring rain but this momma duck - with her 3 year old chic in tow - knows that sometimes it's just better to feed the economy. 

I get to Auto Zone two minutes later and Zack is ready to help me. I tell him Robert's 'jus' pour coke on the corrosion' theory. Zack smiles. "How about I just test the battery with a battery testing machine?" He asks. That sounds pretty logical to me. Ten minutes and $69 later (including tax) I have a new battery with a $25 discount for being a loyal customer, plus a $12 discount because they wave the 'old battery recycle' fee when you use Auto Zone for a re-replacement battery. It's now 12:14pm and I am ready for a nap. Natalie wants to know if we are going to Triple-A now to play on the playground. I want to know if they have their liquor license yet.

So...it has to begin somewhere, right?

So...it has to begin somewhere, right? With me it began a few days ago when I was at the breaking point with thirty-one. (Don't know what that is? Just ask me!)  I realized that my life has gotten WAY out of balance...and the fun is nowhere to be found. I was reading a journal entry from last March where I stated (with many exclamation points) that I LOVE LOVE LOVE Thirty-One! (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) "It doesn't even feel like work!" I exclaimed! (!!!!!!!!)

And it hit me. Now it does. At the time I had about 7 team members. I was elated! Now I have 64...and I feel stuck. I feel stuck because I honestly feel that I have done everything I can do and I am still not moving forward to Senior Director. So what's the problem? I want to control things/people/situations that are out of my control. For instance, I have recruited 9 people since the Dream Rewards time frame started over in mid December. I need 10 qualified (sold $1000 total) and my Personal Volume of 10K by the end of May. I could totally do that! But...my Team Sales needs to be 65K. Ain't No Way. And will all 10+ people I recruit get qualified? I don't know! I can dish out incentives until I go broke, but it still might not happen! So it's time to STOP worrying about it. This was supposed to be fun...and lately it feels like I am having a daily root canal.

On top of this, Natalie has been going through the world's WORST growth spurt for about a MONTH now! Are they supposed to last that long? She won't be 4 until May, and she's fully in a size 5! Thank God for consignment sales. Anyway, night before last, I was getting on her for being 'sassy' for about the billionumpteenth time that night. "Natalie, WHY are you being so MEAN tonight?" I asked her. She clenched her little hands and gritted her teeth and shook all over. Then she said, "I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME TO THE ZOO AFTER NAP TIME!!!!" I busted out laughing! "Um...I'm not sure we can do that tomorrow," I said, (for 'after nap time' means tomorrow) "but we will go soon." This, of course, was not good enough. "HOW MANY NAP TIMES?" She demanded. I had no answer. I had plans to work the next day, and to take her to 'new friends' - the Sunshine House where she will attend Pre-K this fall. (for which I have been counting down the days. Just kidding of course! 132...sigh.)

But you know what...I really could just work a couple of hours after she and hubby go to sleep, and I could take her to the zoo. Why not! I want her to see me as FUN! I am FUN MOM! I will even find a way to go for FREE! Or at least at a discounted rate! I will be FRUGAL FUN MOM! YES, that will be my mission! I will find lots of free and discounted stuff for us to do together this spring and summer. I have my nook...I can even do this from the comfort of BED!!

2 hours later I am searching for cheap zoo tickets (wifi on the nook is awesome!) and I come across this great deal from the public library system and the Atlanta Zoo: Go to any participating library in your county and check out a CD that entitles you to tickets for 2 adults and 2 kids to the zoo! Freebies, woo hoo, my mission is on track and I've only been at it for 15 minutes! I will call around in the morning and find this CD and we will be at the zoo before the zebras wake up! OH! And on the way back we will have a FREE Italian Ice at Rita's on Whitlock Avenue! Tomorrow is the first day of spring and a regular ice is free! Never mind it's in the opposite direction and gas is $3.65 a gallon. The ice is FREE!

Enter morning: At 5am Natalie has a nightmare and wants to get in bed with us. Ugh. She snores like an old man and tosses around like a hurricane. NOT a candidate for co-sleeping in a Queen-sized bed. I pretty much hang up the idea of getting anymore real sleep for the night.

9:58 am. We get out of bed and I am soooo tired. Coffee... "I want milk NOW!" screams the little pre-teen next to me. Where is my sweet girl? She really is usually very sweet. "What do you say, Natalie?" (Sullen face:) "Thank You. Humph." She crosses her arms and literally says, "humph" like a Dr. Seuss book! Wha...? What do I even do with that? 'Natalie, stop humphing' sounds stupid while in my head, I can't imagine it will sound better coming out of my mouth. I just ignore her. I decide to postpone telling her about the zoo. I'm still sure we will go, of course. I'll start calling libraries...after coffee...or I can just whip out my student I.D. from West GA College...it's only a year old...I'm sure the discount is for grad students too, right? And if Natalie rides in her umbrella stroller, she will pass for the '2 and under' free rate, right? Then I will still be on track for FRUGAL FUN MOM! Beside me, Natalie stretches out on the couch. Who am I kidding? She's almost as long as the COUCH! Oh screw it, I'll just pay for our tickets and I'll still be FUN MOM and I'll be frugal at Rita's when we get our free ice...

10:43...I really, really, really don't want to drive to the zoo. It's hot already. And the pollen count sucks. And I'm tired. "I want to go see Allie!" Natalie says. Suddenly, I am hopeful. Allie is a neighbor's daughter, within walking distance, where Natalie plays sometimes while I work. "I want to go to the zoo AND to Allie's house" she decides. "Well, honey, you only have time for one of them." I suck in my breath. "I want to go see Allie today," she says. I let out all my breath at once and start choking as I draw in another. The pollen is really bad today. Probably not the best day to be outside. I want to be a responsible mom too, right? "OK honey...how about we go get some snow cones first?" Italian Ice wouldn't mean much to her...but snow cones? Now I am Awesome Mom who provides snow cones and play dates in one afternoon! Yay me!

12:45...We get to Rita's and just miss the crowd. We have our ice and I take pics for facebook.

2:45...I drop Natalie at Allie's house and go home to get some work done on my taxes. First I veg in front of the TV for an hour. All this fun is wearing me out.